Almost a dinner disaster, darling

On the whole the Vietnamese people don't cook. They do make soups which have noodles, vegetables with some diced meat. Their meals tend to involve noodles, meat and salad, or they eat out on the street. Now I know why.
The group I had travelled to Thailand with, and some others from our school, got together on Friday for a Christmas dinner, mostly because we were too stingy to pay 2 million Dong ($120) to go to a big British bash in town.
We had to bring along things Christmassy:
A Christmas decoration. Tick. The Vietnamese are sooooo into Christmas I could have bought shop loads of decorations.
Something Christmassy to wear. Tick. My much travelled, much loved, trusty Christmas ear-rings.
Something to drink. Tick. I just so happened to have found a bottle of Oyster Bay in duty free that needed a home.
A Christmas item to perform. Tick. I'll read the NZ version of 12 days of Christmas. A Pukeko in a Punga tree.
Something Christmassy to eat. Hmmmmm problem. After much agonising, around and around, in my local Vietnamese supermarket on Tuesday evening I decided on spaghetti and meat balls. Well with tomatoes on top they would at least be red and maybe festive. Whatever I decided to make, I ran into snags trying to find the ingredients. My chicken and potatoe dish, mmmmmm the fresh packed chicken looked dodgy and I can't find mustard. My tuna and noodle casserole, mmmmmmm I can't find any sour cream or a block of cheese that wasn't imported, fancy and very expensive. And so on around the supermarket I went agnosing until I could find most of the ingredients I needed for spaghetti and meatballs. Diced beef, vermicelli noodles, onion, eggs, tomatoes and ketchup. I couldn't find garlic, or spices, however I felt pleased I could put together some festive meatballs.
First problem I encountered on Thursday was the cooking utensils in my apartment. Hmmmm no oven proof dishes or baking dishes. Back down to the supermarket and I buy foil thinking I can place the meatballs on the foil in the oven.
First problem of the day, Friday, I forgot to thaw out the beef, so I'm dicing a solid block of diced beef into small slithers in the hope it will all thaw out.
Second problem of the day, my apartment only has a small and a large saucepan and a small frying pan. I'm mixing the ingredients in a small saucepan, and rolling the meatballs onto the tray, feeling sanctimonious, its only 5 o'clock and I'm on a role . Third problem for the day, my gas oven doesn't work, along with many other things in my apartment. 5:20 pm. I use the trusty laptop and Google microwave beef meatballs. Whatever did we do before Google? The recipe clearly states "place meat balls in an oven proof dish". Oooops fourth problem. I have one china bowl and that's not going to stand up to the quantities of heat necessary to thoroughly cook the meat balls. The recipe also states place meat balls in an oven proof dish with all ingredients and microwave on high for 47 minutes, stand for 10 minutes, add sauce and microwave for further minutes until sauce simmers. I don't have 47 + 10 minutes or further simmering minutes either. The only thing that is simmering is ME.
At this point I'm resorting to fried meatballs. Slowly frying the meatballs in batches to ensure they are thoroughly cooked, some a little too thoroughly with the vermicelli simmering. Fifth problem. I burn my fingers on the hot pots from a very confined gas cook top.
The tomatoes are cut ready to make the sauce. 6:10 pm. I have to wash the frypan to make the sauce, because charred meatballs in a sauce and not a good look. Sixth problem, the drain is blocked somewhere and the water is only seeping away.
Time for a quick shower and off in the taxi.
What did I learn from this potential dinner disaster.... What the others already knew.
1. There is a gourmet shop in the centre of the city that sells fancy festive goodies like pate, roast chickens, breads meats and cheeses etc
2. If you fly to Singapore anytime leading up to Christmas you visit Marks and Spencers and buy Christmas mince pies, gingerbread, and other festive treats
3. NEVER attempt to cook anything at home, its so hard to find all necessary bits
4. NEVER attempt to cook, period!
5. Home made cooking eg spaghetti and meatballs while problematic is very popular and eaten quickly.
6. Everyone loves Oyster Bay wine.